Parnell: Leading with Influence, Not Intimidation

“Does my team feel the weight of my title, or the influence of my leadership?”

This simple yet profound question gets right to the heart of leadership. In the fast-paced, high-pressure world of automotive repair, we often rely on titles, roles, and responsibilities to drive performance. But the truth is, people don’t follow titles; they follow trust.

Our guests walk in the door with skepticism. They’re unsure if they’ll be taken seriously, treated fairly, or talked over with technical jargon they don’t understand. Our team, likewise, might fear consequences for speaking up, admitting mistakes, or making decisions. 

Trust, therefore, must be built deliberately, not through policy, but through culture. It starts with transparency: 

• Educate your guests as to why a component within a particular system broke to begin with, as well as the “why” behind your corresponding recommendations. Providing the “why” within your sales presentation will most likely determine a positive or negative review. 
• 65% of people are visual learners, and we learn up to 400 times faster through visual aids. Show your guests what you see, using photos, videos, or personalized video walkthroughs.
• Serve your guests by offering clear options instead of pushing sales. There is a distinct difference between somebody who is serving and somebody who is selling, and a transaction becomes the byproduct of the value you provide while serving through a sales presentation.  

If our team is following us because they fear our title, we're leading a group of compliant employees, not an empowered team. 

But when we create safety and trust, we’re able to provide clarity and direction. We become a leader people want to follow. We foster an environment where: 

• Feedback is welcome. 
• Mistakes are owned. 
• Ideas are shared. 
• Growth is pursued. 

This is what psychological safety looks like, and it’s what drives engagement, innovation, and accountability. It starts by understanding that influence is earned, not granted. But we’ll never be able to fully influence those around us if we struggle with emotional regulation. And quite frankly, we owe it to ourselves, our team, and our family—in no particular order—to show up each and every day. 

In an industry that has a black eye when it comes to trust and the safety that comes from it, emotional regulation is more than a soft skill; it’s imperative to our business, for both guests and team members. 

In high-stress environments like the ones we’re accustomed to, emotions often run hot. We all know it. It’s a grind. Frustration, urgency, pride, and pressure can push us to act before thinking. To react instead of respond. 

When emotions are high, logic has a tendency to be low. When I suggest that emotional regulation is arguably the greatest skill anyone can possess as it relates to emotional intelligence, it’s because when we have the ability to understand, manage, and express emotions in a healthy and appropriate manner, we're able to influence, listen, and connect in a way that fosters the environment described above.

Implementing "the 3 Ps" is one of the best practices for regulating emotions. The next time your emotions are high, try pausing, processing, and pivoting. 

1. Pause: Create Space for Awareness 

When emotions spike, so do our impulses. The pause is a leadership superpower. 

• Take a breath. Physically remove yourself from the situation if possible. 
• Remind yourself: “I don’t have to respond right now.” 
• Regain control of your voice, tone, and body language. 

The pause sets the tone for the conversation, the culture, and the outcome. It allows us to lead with presence instead of pressure. 

2. Process: Seek Clarity Before You Act 

Our first emotion is not always our most logical one. Processing allows us to dig deeper. It helps us shift perspective, and with perspective, the way we view things drives the way we do things. Questions we could ask ourselves in this step of the 3 P’s is: 

• “What am I feeling and why?” 
• “What else could be true in this situation?” 
• “Am I reacting to this moment or to something bigger?” 

Shift from assumption to understanding. Processing slows our thinking long enough for wisdom to catch up. It’s where logic and empathy meet. 

3. Pivot: Choose the Higher Road Forward 

With a new perspective, now it’s time to pivot. This is where leadership is revealed. 

• Respond with the outcome in mind. 
• Coach rather than criticize. 
• Set, and perhaps more importantly KEEP, boundaries respectfully. 
• Seek solutions, not blame. 

Our ability to pivot determines whether conflict becomes chaos or connection. Connection creates engagement, and engagement increases performance. Connection through this process can be critical to the actions taken beyond it. 

Trust is not a destination; it’s a discipline. 
Transparency is not a tactic; it’s a culture. 
Emotional regulation is not optional; it’s essential. 

When we build teams grounded in safety, trust, and transparency, we do more than fix vehicles. We build confidence. We create belonging.  

Emotional maturity is having feelings, but not letting our feelings have us. So I’ll ask you again: 

“Does your team feel the weight of your title, or the influence of your leadership?” 

Let your answer shape how you show up tomorrow.