Parnell: Coming Together: How to Disagree Without Being Disagreeable

The automotive repair industry is at a crossroads.

On one hand, we’re filled with some of the most resilient, innovative, and hardworking people you’ll ever meet. On the other hand, we’re becoming increasingly divided.

Conferences, Facebook groups, comment sections, and even 20 Group meetings can quickly turn into battlegrounds. It’s become an “us vs. them” industry. Independent versus franchise. Dealer versus aftermarket. Old school versus new school. Vendors versus shop owners.

Somewhere along the way, we forgot that we’re all a part of the biggest little industry out there, and there’s something special about community, and coming together to truly change the industry for the better.

Collaboration Over Competition

But as we all know, coming together doesn’t mean that we’re all going to agree. It can mean, however, that we learn how to disagree without being disagreeable.

Disagreement is healthy. It sharpens ideas. It exposes blind spots. It pushes innovation forward. Every advancement in leadership, operations, marketing, and diagnostics came from someone questioning the status quo. The problem is not disagreement. The problem is how we handle it.

Being disagreeable is different from disagreeing.

Disagreeing says, “I see it differently.”

Being disagreeable says, “If you see it differently, you’re wrong.”

Disagreeing invites conversation.

Being disagreeable shuts it down.

Leading multiple people with different personalities and different learning styles, daily moving pieces, managing guests at a high level, all in a high-stress industry—it’s easy to slip into defensiveness. We’re naturally inclined to protect what we’ve built, guard our opinions, and double down when challenged.

But leadership requires emotional maturity. And emotional maturity means having feelings but not letting our feelings have us. Leadership requires us to separate ideas from identity. If someone questions you, consider that they may be seeking understanding, and not attacking your character.

If someone has a different philosophy on (insert your favorite topic here), they’re not your enemy!

For example, I believe that everything rises and falls on leadership. Specifically, servant leadership is the style that we coach and train on. If you feel differently about this topic, I can hold conviction without holding contempt.

Collaboration over competition isn’t a weakness. It’s wisdom.

Different Ways of Thinking

There’s a lie that circulates in every industry, and it sounds like this: If someone else wins, I lose. That’s scarcity thinking. It assumes there’s only so much success to go around. Only so many customers. Only so many technicians. Only so many clients. Only so much influence.

Scarcity breeds suspicion. It fuels gossip. It turns colleagues into competitors and competitors into adversaries.

An abundance mindset operates differently. It says there’s room for all of us to thrive. It recognizes that a rising tide lifts all boats. When one shop raises the standard of professionalism, the reputation of the entire industry improves. When one shop owner invests in leadership development, it elevates the trade, because when the leader gets better, everyone gets better. When one company innovates in process or culture, we all benefit from the example.

Collaboration doesn’t mean we give away trade secrets or abandon healthy competition. It means we share best practices. We challenge each other respectfully. We celebrate each other’s wins. We pick up the phone instead of posting a passive aggressive comment. We assume positive intent before assigning negative motives.

It means we remember that the shop down the street is not the real competition. Mediocrity is. Poor leadership is. Lack of training is. Complacency is.

We can go fast alone. We can grind it out. We can isolate. We can white knuckle growth.
But we will go much further together.

Every major leap in this industry has come from collaboration. Twenty groups. Peer networks. Mastermind communities. Industry conferences. Coaching programs. Supplier partnerships. None of those thrive in an “us vs. them” culture. They thrive in an environment of mutual respect.

Change Your Mindset

So how do we, as ONE industry, move forward—together?

1. Listen to understand, not to respond. Ask one more question before forming your rebuttal. Seek clarity. Most conflict escalates because of assumption, not malice.
2. Criticize ideas privately and encourage people publicly. Social media is not the place for character assassination. If you have a real issue with someone, go directly to the source. Handle it directly and respectfully.
3. Check your mindset. When someone succeeds, do you feel threatened or inspired? Your answer reveals whether you are operating from scarcity or abundance.
4. Remember the mission. We’re here to serve with excellence. We’re here to provide meaningful careers for automotive repair professionals. We’re here to lead our teams well. That mission is bigger than any single philosophy or personality.

Community isn’t built in comfort. It’s built in commitment.

Ask What Instead of Why

The automotive repair industry is full of strong personalities. That’s not a flaw. It’s a strength when harnessed correctly. We don’t need less passion. We need more humility. We don’t need fewer opinions. We need better conversations.

The future of this industry will not be shaped by those who shout the loudest. It will be shaped by those who collaborate the best.

We need to understand that being questioned is often for the sake of understanding and not someone challenging us. So the next time someone asks “why?” when you’ve communicated a directive or shared your opinion, consider it a learning opportunity, for both of you.

And if we’re going even deeper on the topic, consider some verbiage reconstruction when you yourself are the one seeking understanding.

One of my favorite books is titled “Start With Why” by Simon Sinek. The WHY is wildly important! But hear me out—there’s a reason I’m actually suggesting that we try to refrain from this question to those that we’re leading, at times. If you have young children or are ever around them, you’re most likely hearing “why? why? why?” quite often. And for good reason! They’re seeking to understand. As we grow older, and as we lead and coach people, the “why” question can often be misinterpreted as being challenged rather than seeking understanding, and the recipient of that question may even become defensive. So, while the question of “why” may not be suitable for all occasions, the answer for “why” is most certainly necessary, therefore, I’m going to encourage you to switch “why” with “what” when applicable.

When asking questions, replacing “WHY” with “WHAT” can change the way your team responds for the better.

Instead of asking “Why do you feel that way?” try asking “What’s contributing to that feeling?”

Instead of asking “Why don’t you understand this” try asking “What questions do you have about this?”

Want the FULL list of “Instead of” questions? Email me at [email protected] for a complimentary two-pager.

We can disagree. We can debate. We can challenge.

But let’s do it in a way that builds something worth passing on.

We can go fast alone.

We can, and will, go much further together.

And if you disagree with everything I shared—that’s okay.